All These Words That Hurt Me!
by Nightlife Eyes
Summary: A list of words that hurt me. One Shot. Brooke’s point of view. BLP triangle mentions BL BH BP. Rated M to be safe!


**All These Words That Hurt Me**

**Summary: A list of words that hurt me. One Shot. Brooke's point of view. BLP triangle mentions BL BH BP.**

**This is short and really nothing but rambling and bitching but i kind of like it. it was originally going to be longer and different but it's not anymore. this is what you get. Hope you like it.**

**DICLAIMER: I don't own anything to do with One Tree Hill at all!**

I am going to tell you the truth. Something that doesn't happen often. And not just from me. But then again I lie all the time. On the other hand so does everyone else. People lie to you. This is the truth. They always have they always will.

Do you remember when you were a kid?

The Tooth Fairy... a lie.

Santa Claus... also a lie.

The Easter Bunny... again another lie.

Sorry to break it to you but it's true.

Other lies include:

unconditional love

the promise that someone won't leave you

the promise that you can depend on and count on people

the idea of simplicity

true love

freedom

safety

Hoes over Bros

Lucas being the one for me

no one ever finding out me and Nathan slept together

fairytales

the idea that i could reinvent myself

the notion that people won't judge you

the past won't hurt you

that people won't let you down and

that everybody has a happy ending.

Those stupid sayings that things will get better or that believing in yourself is the most important thing, that magic exists and most of all that stupid saying that parents tell their children.

"**Sticks & Stones Can Break Your Bones But Words Can Never Hurt You."**

Well that's a bunch of bullshit. They lied, sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you, is the world's biggest lie ever. And who the hell are 'they' anyway? What they hell do they know anyway? I don't give a crap who they are, they're liars and whoever the hell they are they say a lot of bullshit.

A list of words that hurt me:

**Whore**

I try to pretend that it doesn't hurt me, that i don't care, that i'm not affected. But every time someone calls out 'whore' i die just a little bit. I might sleep around but i don't get paid for it. I'm not a common hooker. I may act like one at times but i'm not. I refuse to be.

**Slut**

Yes i have admitted i sleep around. I used to more often than now. Any drink i downed meant any guy could have me. But when someone you've never even spoken to properly will call you that and even whisper it to their friends as you walk past them down the hall hurts me more than i want it to. I know it's the wrong way to go about being loved but i've never anything else. All i actually want is someone to love me and yes i know i won't find it in a drunken haze, at the bottom of a bottle or in a strangers strong arms but i can try. Even though i know nothing will come of it but regret and another lost shred of diginity. Maybe some heartache too.

**Useless**

I am not useless, i hope. For all i know i might be. But i've tried so hard for the past 17 years to rid myself of those fears, it hasn't quite worked. There are times i can pretend it has and pretend that i think i'm useful, smart and worth something. Those times do not include the ones where someone confirms my fears and tells me i'm of no use at all to them and probabley never will be to anyone else either.

**Coward**

If there's one thing i truely am not it's a coward. I will never back down from a fight and although that might not make be the smartest person alive it doesn't make me a coward either. I'm not saying it makes me brave but not backing down if stronger than folding like a card house when faced with danger. I've had to be many things in my life and strong and brave are two of them. They are the two things i try so hard to tell myself i am and to believe it. I am not a coward and i refuse to be.

**Love**

Need i say more than the whole Me/Lucas/Peyton triangle saga. I shouldn't have to but i will anyway. I thought he loved me, i thought he was in love with me. He might have been for all i know, for all he knows too because i don't think he even knew to begin with. Whether he was or wasn't it doesn't help. I told him the truth when i told him in the end it all just hurts the same. I thought she loved me, not in the same way as him, i never thought she was in love with me, i don't know what i would have done then because either way i would have lost her, whether she was in love with me or him, me because i didn't feel the same and him because he did. I thought she loved me like a sister until she stabbed me in the back.

Either way i loved them both, yes in different ways but that's what hurt the most. That i was in love with them so much i gave them up but just that they didn't love me enough to do that or even at all.

**Hypocrite**

I hate being called a hypocrite. If stand for something i stand for it. I'm there all the way, 100, the whole nine yards, the long haul, the big fight. I'm there. I won't then turn around five minutes later and say 'opps sorry i've changed my mind'. That said if i'm wrong i can be brought to see the errors of my ways. I'm not that stubborn or mindless or that set in my stupid ways that i'm ignorant. I just hate that people think i am. I hate that people don't know and pass judgement but most of all it's just that people don't know and i don't know how to let them.

**Stupid**

I am not stupid. I might not be smart but i AM NOT stupid.

**South of France**

I never knew it was actually possible to really hate a place you'd never been but since i was 8 i've hated the South of France with a passion, french people are fine, french food too, the fashion is absolutely amazing, i love the sound of the language and the scenery is beautiful from what i've seen in pictures but South of France is where my parents are when they're not with me. All the time. It's where they'd rather me.

Darling we're so sorry we missed your first day of school/school play/dance recital/broken arm/birthday/Christmas/graduation/ect but we were in the South of France.

It hurts to know your parents prefer to look at the pretty French countryside than you growing up.

**Pathetic**

Espeacially when it's uttered by your ex-best friend and directed at you. Peyton Sawyer had the nerve to call me pathetic and mean it.

**Lonely**

No one's ever said it, at least not to my face. It's not even the word really that hurts me it's the fact that i am lonely and can't even admit it to anyone but myself let alone do anything about it. Everyone i want to love me leaves me, every time i try to be something they want they find something better, there's always someone better, smarter, prettier, funnier and just generally better than me. There's no one here for me and even when there is i can't quiet let them all in for the fear i can't forget, the voice that tells me they'll leave me. And i'll be right back where i started, square one. Lonely.

**Friend**

There are two reasons i hate the word friend, one is Peyton Sawyer in all her back stabbing boyfriend stealing is say one thing but mean anything moddy bitchy never know what she wants means or thinks hates you one day loves you the next always in need of help cold glory.

And although that's a good enough reason it's not the real one. But it's the reason i tell everyone i hate the word friend.  
In reality I only hate the word friend because it hurts me that it's all i'll ever be to one amazing, talented, generous, smart, charming, honest, beautiful Haley James Scott.

"You're my best friend Brooke and you always will be." Haley smiles at me and i die a little more because that word hurts most of all.


End file.
